So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The Olympian is in my bed
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
