I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
