I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
