So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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