I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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