Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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