The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
