Betty ford says i'm here all night
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
