I'm so fucking centered right now
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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