Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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