then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize