I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Randomize
