I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
nutella sex= disaster
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize