i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
