i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize