No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
