sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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