We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
