Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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