You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
