I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize