Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
