I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
