Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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