peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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