I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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