I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
