I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
