Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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