I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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