You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
