the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
