Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
