You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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