I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize