I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
