Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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