Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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