Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
