Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
