Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
