She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize