Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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