You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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