She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
