# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
