Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
