Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
