Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
