we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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