i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
