Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
nutella sex= disaster
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
