and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize