i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
