Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just invented taco cereal.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize