I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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