I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
