The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Sponge bath it is.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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