I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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