So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
