Can i not drive my cunt home
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
