new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
