Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
